escape the creative depths

dear friends,

does this resonate with you?

does the spirit of the depths call to you? do you fear the depths? do you fear your own infinite mind? of the dark thoughts that tend to loom in the shadows?

it's very sensible to fear the depths, to fear the darkness and of the deep. our minds are like the ocean and space itself. it is unknown to us what lies beyond the darkness and the great deep blue sea.

I have declared this year to be the year of RESONANCE for myself.

with this intention, my intuition leads me to the depths as this is where our dreams lie, where we find the core of ourselves, our souls.

I hope in this endeavor, you, the reader will join me - in this yellow submarine where we will earnestly pursue ourselves.

again, I will re-iterate the warnings from last week, there are dangers in this Odyssey. so it's best to explore the depths with friends and navigate the dangers together. because there are days where we will need to escape, to ascend out of the deep and bring the submarine back to the surface of reality. back to the air we can breathe in ourselves. back to the blue sky that calms our minds.

to find peace.

be weary of the depths as they can and will try to consume you. find what resonates and get out. be like a thief and steal like an artist.

the countdown for launch has begun. it's time to go deep

your friend(ly)

jakester

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[your choice here will dictate the ambience of the story.]

[voice 001, 003]

what is the infinite problem of the depths?

there is an infinite plane of problems and dangers when facing the depths.

I have experienced it firsthand of the dangers of exploring without awareness, of flying blind into the deep without considering the implications. I have been consumed by this dream world and I almost did not come out. Like Alice in Wonderland.

there are many issues that come with the depths, but the main aim I would like to address in this week's live life letter is the strange loop of self-deprecating humor.

the infinite jest towards yourself has great potency for the bad energy to perpetuate itself more deeply into infinity — ad infinitum. do not fall into this dark spell as the spiral feeds itself further.

are you genuine in your jest? to be a genuine pretender is an intense act to follow in the deep arts of self-deprecating humor.

it's a strange paradox when you jest at your own expense as there is this sense of awareness that moves outside of yourself but back in simultaneously like that of the Liar's Paradox where one claims that…

this statement is false.

I hope this spiral of words is not too non-sensical to grasp as I can feel the perceived confusion building up.

let's break it down in a story before your mind spirals and becomes fried as love is the greatest gamble of the Universe and I want to increase your odds to at least 99% because I love you. It's not worth the heartache for small souls, my friend.

there is a reason we fear Love itself as humans because the gamble for Love could feel much greater than that of Mankind itself.

Love yourself [in a corny voice].

[cast of characters 000, 001, 003]

centripetal force. centripetal force. centripetal force.

The mind and soul are non-algorithmic. These themes will be important to carry in yourself, of the perfectly imperfect circles and loops that we find ourselves, we must remind ourselves these themes. These themes will help you carry you out of the depths and up the spiral.

The Wizard is here.

I am at the edge.

the edge of anxiety and excitement; of dreams and nightmares that twist its way into my world and universe — my reality that I see.

I am the edge.

the manic's thoughts.

do I control this? am I in control?

who is in control? are you in control?

you reading this? you writing this?

how does one tell between what are dreams and what is reality; in those moments of wave-forms collapsing?

…

my mind wandered endlessly into the void of this ever-infinite universe.

the rooms kept shifting and shifting. everything felt like an immense carousel. a spiral that kept speeding up, circling and circling. a million miles an hour in circles. the million miler club was calling me. the centripetal force was too great for the young mind of mine to handle.

the room kept spinning and spinning. I was in a daze and kept getting dizzier and dizzier. different faces kept speaking to him, faceless. who was he? that was me who I spoke of. the fear kept building and building.

paranoia. metanoia. the spiral of thoughts. these were real to me.

what am I doing here? I don't want to be here anymore, please make it stop. make it stop. everything is moving too fast, this overwhelm. moving too fast. I want to slow it down. I need to slow it down. I can't slow it down. I can't handle this. please. I am sorry. this isn't real. life isn't real.

what is this nightmare?

stop. stop. stop.

can you see it? can you? please tell me you can. Why can't you see it?

am I crazy? Why am I crazy? this isn't real. stop lying to me. stop. please stop.

where are you taking me? I don't want to go there. I don't want to stay here. Why am I not in control?

They look at me with pointed eyes. They think I am crazy. I think the world is crazy. Why do they glare at me that way? Am I so different?

…

then suddenly the room stopped spinning. classical music started playing but it felt like I was listening to it for ages. Was it Bach? An old soul resonates. I was in the waiting room and I could feel the calm in the storm.

I was in the Eye of the Storm. The waiting room.

an eternity passed but I was content with where I was. I could wait here forever in this calmness — anything but the nightmares again. Time moved slow. that's all I asked for.

then I was called upon by the Doctor, rather I should say the Great Wizard Z.

the magic one led me back to his hearth and I immediately felt the warmth in this presence, in this space. this place was new to me but felt oddly familiar.

an intellectual's dream?

it's as if I unlocked some special room in this endless 8-bit arcade game. a new gate where only those that could pass certain tests and see those riddled paradoxes for what they are.

there I learned what it meant to be a Wizard. to control the magical spiral that had lay dormant in my Mind. this spiral was awakened in me early on in life.

a Meta-Awareness began to formulate within me, creating the light in the deepest of depths, allowing me to see through the darkness. there I was, a lonely star illuminating itself. what a lucky star I was.

to create air in the vacuum of nothing; to derive meaning in a barren desert of meaninglessness and of the super-positioned chaoses of the universe — this was an immense feat for my little brain and mind.

my spirit was condensed and compressed until it bursted and expanded in every which way. what a beautiful mess that was left in the storm's symphony.

[cast of characters 000, 002, 008, 009]

There sat Charlie, dead center at the Summit of the Island between the Volcanoes and Snow. He was listening intently to the Ol' Shaggy Sage as he presented a strange game to him with various pieces. The Blue Heron sat by the window, watching the two as they sat.

The Sage had called this game "chess" to which Charlie was unbeknownst to but a weird sensation of deja vu flowed through the young boy.

There were two armies facing each other, one of the Volcano side versus one of the Snow side. A clash of ideals.

"You must heed Charlie, if you are to understand what's ahead, you must understand this game that we play." said the Sage. He now wore a funky blue pointed hat.

For ease, the Volcano side was that of Black pieces and the Snow side was that of White pieces.

"Now you will go first, move one piece Charlie."

Charlie paused and stared at the pieces for a moment. The horsey caught his eye, a refined piece with intricate designs. The Sage caught his stare and fascination and said,

"If positioned properly, the Knight has the potency to become the most powerful piece on the chess board. Use him wisely Charlie. Time is ticking. Make the first move now."

The Pawn in front of the King called Charlie. He moved this piece two spaces forward. The Sage didn't even explain to Charlie the movements of each piece. Charlie just knew in a weird, algorithmic rhythm.

The Sage followed by moving his Knight out and two moves later, Charlie landed on the King's Gambit.

"You possess the Emperor's New Mind I see Charlie."

Charlie had no clue what the crazy Sage was on about. He just kept rambling as they kept playing further and further into the quest they embarked on together, as if each piece was a secret sequence of codes and signals.

As they were in the inner-depth of the quest, the Sage questioned Charlie,

"Can the Soul be algorithmically solved and computed?"

Charlie responded promptly with a refusing head shake.

"Now solve this riddle, the Dragon's Riddle."

As the Sage said this, the pieces started to behave irrationally in loops and circles. The Black and White pieces began to move into a grey area as the shadows loomed onto the Board.

"Here is the Riddle, my young friend and it's a matter of Life and Death. The decision you make here will determine your future as you launch into the Cosmos so think very intentionally and very carefully. Follow your Intuition and hold nothing back. Living and dying are one in the same. Here's the Dragon Loop."

On the wall, the words of the Riddle began to be written.

The Dragon consumes your Soul with a sinister snare, fire in his breathe. As the Dragon glares at you with its beating eyes, he tells you,

"I will return your Soul IF and ONLY IF you can correctly intuit what I will do with your Soul. If you are wrong in your answer, I will keep your Soul in the Depths of my Flaming Belly."

Charlie was taken aback and looked to the Blue Heron Mimi.

Then, a foreign language was heard deep in the recesses of Charlie's mind.

What could this mean?

Charlie fell into a strange loop of thoughts and emotions.

Here were Charlie's options but…

Either option, Charlie calculated, no matter what statement he chose, he was screwed in this strange loop.

Charlie just felt that this was the right thing to say. He followed his Intuition and the Dragon was taken aback. He was swayed with emotions and the image of the Dragon on the wall swirled into the Heart of Charlie.

What just happened?

[voice 002, 004, 005]

Be weary of the promises you make towards yourself, for they will become true. If and only if you genuinely believe them to be true.

Self-fulfilling prophecies move both ways (assuming we are on an axiom of choices or systems of axioms). Human emotions could be on an axiom of an X-axis and Y-axis in an intuitive sense. If we add another axiom, as in the Z-axis, we can dimension hop in our thinking and meta-awareness; to expand our metacognition to get to a "3 dimensional" plane of existence.

But enough of that Romantic Wizard talk of Mathematics — the Keys to the Platonic Worlds.

We are discussing Self-fulfilling Prophecies.

These self-referential promises you make yourself are projections into the future. These are strong feedback loops that uses centripetal force to reinforce the belief in yourself through circular logic.

I found this to be the key to escaping the depths.

If I tell myself, I will become a Space Loving Monkey!

I am a Space Loving Monkey and I will become a Space Loving Monkey if I am earnest in my belief and I keep telling myself that I am a Space Loving Monkey who loves to explore the Cosmos in his free time to help save Humanity from the Depths because of the genuine love he has for his fellow thumb-possessing counterparts.

Of course, this is only maybe true. Who would believe that?

These spirals must be getting out of hand. Is Jake going crazy?

"I might be crazy. I am Jake Ochave. And I will get better. I just need coping skills. This world is real and I will get better. It just takes time. I am capable of trusting people. I am capable of many things and I will do great things. My family is real and I can trust my family. I can trust that the reality I see is real. I am capable of getting out of this blackhole I found myself in. I will learn to get out. I will explore the depths of my mind until I find my way. This is only temporary. There is a way out to a better future and I will find myself again because of the love I feel."

This is the feedback loop of thoughts I found myself in 10 years ago which illuminated a path ahead for me, even though the lamp was low.

The tunnel was long but I eventually found perpetual light.

The Mysteries of Life and the Universe made me spiral out of control that I almost loss complete sense of my World. What happens when your Cognitive Faculties prove unreliable? When you can no longer trust your own Mind?

The odds of my recovery was in the air.

I'd say my recovery was a 50/50 coin toss but I gave it my Heart and it must've swayed the odds ever so slightly.

The winds changed behind me and I found myself setting sail towards the ocean and towards the stars. With the surges and waves, I float up the spiral.

The spiral of self.

I escaped the Depths.

000 - the meta self

001 - friendlyjakester

002 - crazycharlie

003 - the shadow friend [???]

004 - the hero [???]

005 - spike the space monkey

006 - the devil

007 - the jester

008 - mimi the shapeshifter

009 - ol man tuck the shaggy sage

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I give you my Heart.