how to connect with meta-awareness

dear friends,

what does it mean to feel truly connected?

this week, I felt a huge disconnect with myself — I had let my soul slip, I felt it so.

it's quite ~ ironical ~ that we landed on this question for this week's live life letter as I will be returning to and scrutinizing how to see & develop awareness, my second letter I published back in December.

I need to be brutally honest with myself. I struggle with this and I fear I will become numb through the process. I must take myself serious and I cannot feign ignorance.

I am capable.

I am aware of that. Awareness is not always pleasant and I need to stay true to myself, to stay grounded. This is not some pipe dream of mine.

I must continue to be earnest in my endeavor or the foundations of what I pursue, of my mission will be like grains of sand — fleeting.

your friend(ly)

jakester

P.S. click the Read Online button in the top right corner to connect more deeply with the live life letters ~

Immersive Music Choice

the strings of severed connections [001, 003]

I fear the numbness that comes in the indifference of it all.

I see myself so small, pitifully small.

I am a sensitive creature and sometimes — no, often times I desire for my senses to be dulled. Awareness feels overwhelming, ignorance truly is bliss.

…

you desire connection, yet you often feel disconnected with others, disconnected with the world, and disconnected with yourself.

how could you teach others on how to connect if you can't even connect to yourself?

you are a fool. to lose sense of yourself is one of the greatest tragedies that a human can experience. you play the fool as if you know. but you truly don't know shit.

listen to yourself.

what is lost in translation?

I speak in riddles and poems to hide my own self-pity but I must be honest to you in my punches or I will lack the resolve in scrutinizing myself.

I see the bridge being built towards you, my friend, but I do not see the bridge being built back.

this connection is lost and I am afraid I cannot recover — you call me a friend, but I do not know who you speak of?

who am I with no grounds to stand on?

can you connect to my soul, can you see it?

to be alone in my own thoughts, I speak to myself. The person I refer to "you" is me. I build bridges towards myself, yet I do not see this bridge being built back to me. it's disheartening and I grasp at every grain of sand I can muster but it all slips through my fingers in every attempt. is this some cruel joke?

I am comfortable with these thoughts — but I know I shouldn't be.

I am a friend to myself — but on some days I shouldn't be.

…

the memory of my dream is slipping away, like sand in the palm of my hand.

I grip harder but the grains of time keeping slipping away evermore quickly

"Stop" I screamed.

The sand reversed and pulled back to the grip of my fingers.

This is not real. This is merely a dream. This is not real. It cannot be real.

what a dance I find myself in!

The Strings of Consciousness Being Thread [000]

When did humanity gain consciousness?

In other words, at what point in time did we realize it was unbearable to think our own thoughts?

As children, we were unaware of the true cruelties of the world. Life was bearable and painless. Blissful and joyous. To be a true loving parent must be a struggle to be the one to thread pain into this pure stream of consciousness.

How could you be the one to take those stars out of those pure eyes, to be responsible in taking that pure child's wonder?

The world is cruel and reality loves to linger. You cannot raise in your awareness without realizing this demise. It is inevitable and as you go up in levels of awareness, you take on these pains and sufferings.

To deny these pains and sufferings would be ignorance.

The New Mind of Adam and Eve

On the eve of night, two stories collided and intertwined.

In the Garden of Eden emerged a Cave filled with Fire and Shadows. Adam and Eve were led by a Snake towards this Cave who dropped down from the Tree of Knowledge, the Tree that inherited both Good and Evil within its roots.

It was the Philosopher's Tree that held in it Wisdom and Consciousness. Human Morality and Human Knowledge…

These words echoed from above.

Adam and Eve were filled with wonder and curiosity. They were seeking something, anything that could fill their minds, to relieve this innate instinct they found within themselves. They wanted more after eating that Apple that fell from the Tree.

Forbidden Knowledge.

…

Suddenly, out came a naked soul. Let's call him Charlie.

Charlie was a newfound soul afraid of all the wonders of this world who had just overcome darkness. He was a pure soul with no marks of this world on him.

"He is just a child."

"He is unaware of who or what he is."

"Is it right for us to give him pieces of this Apple?"

Charlie was clearly uncomfortable and attempted to communicate with Adam and Eve but he did not know how to speak. He was ignorant to this new garden. All he knew before were the Shadows on the wall. Charlie learned these Shadows were mere illusions created by Fire so he freed himself of this level of ignorance.

He stepped out the Cave.

The Puppet's Puppeteer [000, 001]

I am the Puppet and the Puppeteer caught up in his own strings.

To see the strings of each story being pulled is clear to the puppeteer, but does he himself see that he is a puppet?

Do you see the different threads of each story?

The Garden of Eden and Plato's Cave. The strings are strung with the same thread, yet each thread pulls towards differing directions. These strings vibrate. They sing different stories and pull different emotions.

Am I caught in my own web?

Who is creating this Act?

To pull strings to connect between the Dream and the Dreamer, of the Experience and the Creator. The weaving process creates this awareness and this connection towards ourselves and towards others.

What is the story that we tell ourselves?

Through the spiral of thoughts, a staircase presents itself.

The Speeding Starship - ii. 第二部分 [000, 002, 008]

When Charlie woke up from the launch, it was dark. Charlie had slipped out of consciousness from the pressures of launch speed. He was pulled out of a dream, still groggy and coming to senses.

The cosmos was dark. Charlie stared out into vast space. He saw the Moon and Stars. He gazed at the Stars for awhile.

Gazing at the Stars. The connection of dots. He fixated on one. Then to many. He began to see how one connects to another. How one connects to many. How many connects to one.

Charlie was lost in thought. He pondered on beginnings. On his own beginnings.

What is beyond?

Was this Star King Novus speaking to me?

Mimi looks over to Charlie, "Are you ready to enter light-speed?"

"I am not ready. Can we stop by the Moon?"

Mimi smirked, "No." then continues to press the big red button.

I feel my mind traveling at immense speeds and the overwhelm that it brings. The pressure of light-speed drags me thru the cosmos like a rag doll in the wind. This hurts. Every piece of stardust that hits the Ship of Theseus creates waves and ripples towards my Sou. It hurts. This journey is painful.

Godspeed.

I don't want to die. I don't want to die — but this pressure alludes me to this desire. I don't want to hold this pressure, this burden any longer. This force that presses me against my will.

How can I push any longer?

Why must it hold me down?

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts — but there is nothing there.

What is there to feel pain form, in this void through space?

I can't breathe. There is no space to breathe — how can I live with no air?

How can I live without breathing?

I need space to breathe. I am in space. How ironic.

Charlie loses consciousness — the dream of two dragons dancing returns to his Soul. Charlie slipped into this dream once again. This dance was much more intense and mundane. A slow painful burn. An attack on his Own Soul, it slipped.

The limits of Charlie's mind were to be tested once again.

How To Connect with Meta-Awareness [000, 001, 002]

I could provide you some complex and well thought out framework with step by steps on How To Connect with your Meta-self. But I am not your typical digital guru.

I am a shaggy guru sage.

It's simple. You cannot pour from an empty cup. This is the Truth and I can keep pouring onto you clichés that keep showing you this Truth but I fear that would waste your time and I would becoming redundant in my expressions.

Okay, I'll add a little more to your cup since you've read on further.

To connect with yourself more fully, you must connect with your mind, body, and spirit. These are the three main things in the human experience that I am quite sure on. To connect with these three things, you must find your breathe.

These are the three dimensions that are universal across each and every one of us. You can try to deny this, but this is the Truth, regardless of your belief.

To do this well, you have to search for the congruent voices that make sense to you. To step outside of one's own awareness can be a dangerous endeavor.

You might go insane — this is why I am hesitant to pour this onto you.

However, I believe this to be an important step in our development as a collective humanity. Creating more awareness will create a net good for the world as our problems grow to become more complex and harder to solve each day.

What voices do you listen to — what stories do you tell yourself?

These questions are key to unlocking the Meta-self. If you are still confused or unsure of what the Meta-self is, then look back at the stories I have threaded and webbed.

I have done my best to try to ingrain him in the stories I tell consciously and perhaps unconsciously.

You can try to call him the Ultimate Observer and place your light onto him, but when you attempt to do so — he's gone.

Yet, we know "he" is there, an Observer indifferent to the emotions we string on.

You can try to call him God, the Universe, the Non-self, or whatever you prescribe yourself to believe. But I think there is a slight nuance with the Meta-self.

We identify with him and see him (or her) as our Narrator. The voice in our heads. We could argue that this is God's voice or the Universe speaking to us. But we identify with this voice. We listen to it as if it is ours and see as if we are seeing through our own eyes.

Are we God or the Universe?

Perhaps.

But I know for certain I am me, Jake Ochave. I would bet everything on this.

All for a cup of water.

mind is water, heart is fire [JRCO]

what is the one line that changes someone's soul?

here comes the manic's thoughts.

I see my mind as water and feel my heart as fire. the eyes of scrutiny open. do you see the illusions?

are the shadows real?

we are all separated under the illusion. it makes me feel alone.

can you feel my soul?

the nightmares are real. I disgust myself, the noise, it clouds my mind. I cannot think clearly. I feel like a ghost on fire. it is sad to see things fade.

we must have hope. hope is fire, it must not go out. where is my flow?

what am I chasing? why?

I feel the pressure, I feel it take over. My soul can't breathe. I need space in my headspace. the cycle keeps repeating, I cannot see thru the fog — am I lost?

My temper feels uncontained, my shadow wants out.

Am I being dramatic?

[four minutes]

why do I envy?

my own green eyes consume me and I am disgusted, appalled by my own soul.

I do not wish for any resentment to build but I can't help but stare.

I cannot help but stare up. It is so bright, the stars that light. I grasp at them at my own despair. I want to connect to them. To tether myself to their heights. I grow envious that they can fly while I lay here staring at the sky.

I am the Dream and the Dreamer. I must remember.

I look up to my Dreams and I see myself.

What does this mean?

Feb 27th, 2025 - the meta self implosion

Interbeing, the Non-Self, the Ultimate Observer.

the bridge between past and future, this is how we connect…

meta-awareness, the meta-self.

to allow for the story to unfold forces one to let go of control. by letting go of control, you become open to once was closed. to lose control allows connection. to gain control allows a tether to form.

the paradox of control.

to allow what flows, you control the gates. you decide to open the gates, to let what flows. are you in control?

the flood gates open, awareness goes. to stay afloat, you grip for control.

you need control. you need air. you need to breathe. your obsession with control limits you, you cannot breathe, you cannot connect.

I fear I am an ignorant fool…

What is it that I am unaware of… How could I be aware of what I am unaware of?

I speak of awareness as if I am aware. What is it that I am aware of?

The Ignorant Fool?

I am a genuine pretender who has given to the Act — must I be aware?

For ignorance is bliss — listen to yourself. Do you pity yourself?

You lament as if this "awareness" is the answer. But, at times, this awareness blinds you from seeing what is in front of you.

What are you trying to connect to? To connect with?

…

We are all Interconnected.

Feb 28th, 2025 - vessel

[blue ink]

How do I connect with myself?

Today felt like one of those days where the ground I stood on disappears. I feel like the connection with myself is slightly off, de-synced.

My emotions are everywhere. I feel groundless — what is going on?

"You can't pour from an empty vessel."

Today i felt empty & worthless. WHY?

I feel the overwhelm. I question myself. I don't know what to think. I don't know how to feel. I want to connect. To connect with you. But it's quite hard when one feels empty.

—

[black ink]

To be small and insignificant. This is better than non-existence.

I am happy to be small and insignificant. Yet I know my soul reaches out beyond this smallness and insignificance.

I am aware of who I am. Each piece is me, no matter how small. I am small and insignificant. But my Heart is immense and it signifies LOVE.

To touch one thing is to touch everything, no matter how small or insignificant.

In one palm I hold my entire world.